Separation

What is typical?

Separation anxiety is children’s fear of being away from their parents or carers. A developmentally appropriate level of separation anxiety reflects the close attachment between children and their families. Separation anxiety is a common part of children’s development. It can start at around six-seven months and reach its peak in children aged 14-18 months. It usually goes away gradually throughout early childhood. As children reach preschool and school age, they’re less likely to have separation anxiety. Of course, there’ll always be times when they only want to be with you.

What are the common concerns?

About 4% of pre-schoolers and school-age children develop separation anxiety. Separation anxiety disorder is when your child’s anxiety:

• interferes with your child’s life and your family life.
• is more severe than the anxiety of other children the same age.
• has gone on for at least 4 weeks.

The most common signs of separation anxiety are:

• Crying and tantrums.
• Clinginess and not letting go of a family member.
• Needing a favourite toy to settle.
• Shyness.
• Difficulties sleeping, having nightmares and refusing to sleep alone.
• Fearful and reluctant to be alone.
• Refusing to speak to family members.
• Lots of worry when parted from home or family.
• Too much worry about the safety of a family member.
• Refusing to go to school or kindergarten.
• Frequent stomach-aches, headaches, or other physical complaints.
• Muscle aches or tension.
• Being very clingy, even when at home.
• Panic or temper tantrums at times of separation from parents or caregivers.

What can I do?

• Create quick good-bye rituals.
• Be consistent — try to do the same drop-off with the same ritual at the same time each day.
• When separating, give your child your full attention.
• Keep your promises.
• Be specific — when you discuss your return, provide specifics that your child understands.
• Practice being apart.

Who can I speak to?

If you’re worried about your child’s separation anxiety, you can talk to a general practitioner (GP) or paediatrician.